you and him

i can't stand this situation which i have to choose one between the two people that i love both. i feel lost without him, i feel comfortable with you guys, i feel so guility that when my status is in a relationship with you, i'm thinking about him instead. you and him are important. that's why i can't choose whether you or him. I know i am selfish, and when i am selfish, i will lost the two of you. I realize i have to choose. I know i'm bad and i don't want to feel this way actually. I have already decide my own decision, but it's not easy to say and to feel. I want to get closer and know both of you more. so that i can learn and know about my true feeling which is bigger and deeper. I want to know you guys more and make sure that my feel is right. But it's hard to explain and i can't guarantee that this decision is the best that we will take. It's hard to end this things, but it's hard to not to think about him. I have already think that one of us will ue hurted. Actually, i don't want anyone of us to get hurt and disappointed, but i guess it's imposible. There's time when we must get hurt and there's time when we must get happiness. When i like you, i miss him. When you were far from me, i think you and i am worry about him. How selfish i am. God please forgive me. Maybe this is a lesson from me to choose the best one. Please show me Your way so that i won't choose wrong. Because i will never avoid choice, and life is a choice.
Help me!

?

fantastic! i wanna scream out loud, i want to kick and hit someone. too much thinking about unimportant stuff like them. Maybe they don't realize that they hurt me lots of. everytime i feel lonely, i have my very best friends accompany and entertain me. I value myself as an imperfect human. If you don't like me, why don't you just say it directly to me? I personally believe that you and they talk about me, behind me and freaking about me. Wow i really appreciate it, guys! When you think you are happy, person next to you maybe not. Try to open your mind wide. Feel and see the reality. Fact says that we are not perfect. You and me are the same. So i just want you to know, if you are talking about me, you have to see yourself in a mirror, and think what if you were in my position. If you don't want to be talked, don't talk about others. Life is like a wheel, i realize that now i am sad, i am down, i am lonely, but i am stronger, i am learning how to respect others, i am trying to love people who don't love me like i do. These things are hard to do, but easy to say. Maybe i am weak, but God makes me stronger. Maybe i am bad, but God creates me well. 1 thing that you have to remember. Don't envy me, don't .try to get closer to me, don't see me like a ghost, and don't treat me like an animal. Because i am not your maid, i am not stupid, i am not a girl who could stand in front of you. I know you guys are jealous about me because you didn't get what i got. I know you guys don't have much experience like me, that's why you don't know how to respect others and to treat others well. Someday you will understand and God is working! Watch out. My pray is stronger that your words. When you think you are smarter and wiser and me, i doubt it and i am sure i will win because i have Jesus beside me. Just watch and see! Don't talk too much. No action, talk only. CUPU!

something hidden

i find myself again in a comfort way with someone. maybe it's too early to talk about this because i haven't know him for so long. he is so mysterious guy but i like the way he treats me. so much fun :) i don't know what will happen next, just enjoy this journey and wait for the best result. he is funny, caring, dilligent and religious. okay. stop talking about this. because i just heard from someone that he is having a girlfriend right now :D

i am doing something strategy to pull someone. it's not important but maybe it answers my question even it's only in 1 week process, but i can't handle it. i wonder to interact with him as soon as posible. but as time goes by, if my feeling decreased, it's okay. i would never feel alone because i have my best friends to accompany me. thanks

now it's time to say something, i told you not to fall in love with me. or it would be so many complicated and complex problems to solve. maybe i'm the one who makes problem? T.T
i realized that i'm so indecive. i am stubborn and i can change my mind immediately.

s watch out. yes you can avoid me if you want :) you habe your own rights, remember that?
see you

love is truly blind

everyone has their own rights and it influences how they interact people.
i have my own perspective about you. the way you treat me most, and the way you treat others.
yes it doesn't bring me into your private problems, but i am getting involve indirectly and i just want you to know that you are not mature enough to solve this problems.
you need an expert to give you solutions and to open you mind wider.
try to think if you were me. i don't think i'm right. and i don't think that you are right.
and please don't act like a child. i know that you're beautiful, but i don't care because you're my friend. you don't even know how deep is his feeling and you hurted him. i can understand him because i do feel the same way.
i feel so comfortable with my life right now. that's not the reason if i forgot you.
i have my own reasons to do this. and i personally think that i don't need any apologize from you and i won't say sorry until i really feel guility about this.
you must open you three eyes and realize first before you have your own conclusion of my friends and me.
i don't care about your opinion of me. you can do what you want to do. i won't never understand you because you don't.
i don't care if you shared and spread out a bad gossip about me to your friends. i really don't care because i don't have time to think about it.
and my friends will never hear and change their behavior to me. why? because they have known me for so long, more than you. :)
i'm so busy with my own happiness, assignments, schools, and my personal problems.

just to let you know : i'm sure that you will never know what love is, until you get hurt because of someone that you really love. maybe not now. not then, but you will. after you experience that, you automatically learn how to love, how to keep your relationship longer with happiness, how to laugh and sharing problems, how to make people around you happy, and how to fix broken heart.

someday you will understand.

time is moneyyy

i really don't want to waste my time for things that bring me sad, down, and cry.
i used to have my spare time to do something benefit for me and others.
my time is too precious to think about people who don't ever think and care about me.
i like to make myself happy with my effort, even it's hard.
all that i know is i am going to enjoy my life starting from now.
problems are too easy to solve :-)
just make it simple and make it easy. relax because everything is going to be alright.
ii'm proud of who i am.
i don't care what people think about me, except if they critized me, i would hear.
hmm i'm trying to be better me, because life is too short, time cycles and won't go back to the past. that's why i have no regretn, it just a lesson for me.was my worst experience, but i get the best lesson of my life to be better in the future.

i don't know

i don't know about my feeling. it divides into two which i can't determine what i want right now. maybe my heart doesn't know which is more important. as time goes by i remember the way my ex boyfriend treated me last time when we were in a relationship. we were so rarely met each other and he was busy at that time. yes i could understand. but things are different right now. he treats me differently now. he usually see me on the weekend and we just hanging and playing together. he didn't do this thing when we were in a relationship. it makes me confuse. he says he still love me until now and it's sincerely without any reasons to make me hurt and pain.
what should i do now? i really don't mean to make him hurt but i also don't know about my feeling. i like him and i like my senior. i can't decide yet. i don't even know my senior. even i don't know about my feeling and who is stronger. should i survive my feeling to my senior? he doesn't even need that. he doesn't even know me. let this be answered by time passed. maybe this will change so i know what is the best. but please i don't want to make my ex boyfriend hurt. i really appreciate him and his effort to make our relationship better. but let me erase and throw one of this unimportant feeling, but i don't know which one.

i love you more and more each day, my senior.

hope you feel the same someday.

i am just happy to see your smile :)

if you passed around my class everyday, i would be very happy :)

please, let me love you, even it is just a simple feel,

but i am trying to survive.

i really really really want to know you, my senior.

i am waiting.