forbidden love

i don't think it's gonna happend directly in my life. I am falling in love with the wrong people. I actually want to avoid him but believe it or not, that's the hardest way to do. I have tried to get over him and stay away from him but I can't. Please God, I don't know wheter this feeling comes from You, or not, but since I love him, I can't control myself. This is hard. If I had to choose, I wouldn't love him for sure. This is unfair when we love each other deeply but the world doesn't let us to be together. I doubt you a lot, but I love you more than I doubt you. You make me sure as time goes by, and God has answered your pray. I do fall in love with you. I can't let you go. It's hard for me to believe whatever you say. It's hard for me to confess this feeling to myself and to all of my friends. Even NONE of them would let me be in a relationship with him. Even it's hard to lie to myself. At first I don't realize that I love him, and I didn't want to be honest to myself that I love him, but now everything is getting harder. I am stuck. I try to use my logic and my feeling to decide the best for me, but I know that they will never be one. I don't know whether I have to listen to my heart, to my friends, to reality, or to the logic. I don't want to have this feeling, but I have it. Now, what should I do? I'm sick of love and I don't wanna be in love anymore for this time. But I strongly believe that God has the best plan ever in my life. There will always be someone right at the right time, for me, even him, or another.

friendship

I personally think that frienship needs scrifice, time, money, togetherness, experiences, honesty, feeling, and support. I love my bestfriends. Friends is forever. No one can separate us. We are imperfect but we complete each other with love. My friendship is eternal. My friendship is expensive and can't buy by money. God has unite us to be like this. We are meant to be. Thanks God, i might know them, You have given this opportunity to know them, because they are very extraordinary for me. I am nothing and i am empty without my bestfriends.

i find myself again

I find myself again and i want to renew everything. He ended our relationship and after he left me, i doubt him a lot. As time goes by, my feeling was getting lower and worse. It's gone by itself. By the memory passed, i know who he is, and i'm sure that he is not the best person for me. Yes he is kind, adoreable, simple, caring, and funny. But he didn't survive with my confession. Your goodbye made me opened my eyes wider, made me realized how precious i am, how i love myself more that i love you. After you decided to get over me, thanks God i don't have to forget him and i don't have to forgive him. Even though life is so different now, but i can follow it and walk with my friends surrounding me. I don't love you anymore, sorry. That feeling was gone easily. Honestly, things were not changin at all. It returned to my daily activities which didn't need you at all. I don't know about your feeling to me right now, you may hate me and find another girl. I don't care. All i want is your happiness, because you are my friend. Thanks for everything you have given me. My pain made me strong. My disappoinment made me patient. My smile made me thankful. God knows me best. So that He gave me these experiences, to make me stronger, more grateful, greater, and to make my life colorful.
You are my past. The end is just the beginning. I want to open my blank white paper, and fill it with my color!

you and him

i can't stand this situation which i have to choose one between the two people that i love both. i feel lost without him, i feel comfortable with you guys, i feel so guility that when my status is in a relationship with you, i'm thinking about him instead. you and him are important. that's why i can't choose whether you or him. I know i am selfish, and when i am selfish, i will lost the two of you. I realize i have to choose. I know i'm bad and i don't want to feel this way actually. I have already decide my own decision, but it's not easy to say and to feel. I want to get closer and know both of you more. so that i can learn and know about my true feeling which is bigger and deeper. I want to know you guys more and make sure that my feel is right. But it's hard to explain and i can't guarantee that this decision is the best that we will take. It's hard to end this things, but it's hard to not to think about him. I have already think that one of us will ue hurted. Actually, i don't want anyone of us to get hurt and disappointed, but i guess it's imposible. There's time when we must get hurt and there's time when we must get happiness. When i like you, i miss him. When you were far from me, i think you and i am worry about him. How selfish i am. God please forgive me. Maybe this is a lesson from me to choose the best one. Please show me Your way so that i won't choose wrong. Because i will never avoid choice, and life is a choice.
Help me!

?

fantastic! i wanna scream out loud, i want to kick and hit someone. too much thinking about unimportant stuff like them. Maybe they don't realize that they hurt me lots of. everytime i feel lonely, i have my very best friends accompany and entertain me. I value myself as an imperfect human. If you don't like me, why don't you just say it directly to me? I personally believe that you and they talk about me, behind me and freaking about me. Wow i really appreciate it, guys! When you think you are happy, person next to you maybe not. Try to open your mind wide. Feel and see the reality. Fact says that we are not perfect. You and me are the same. So i just want you to know, if you are talking about me, you have to see yourself in a mirror, and think what if you were in my position. If you don't want to be talked, don't talk about others. Life is like a wheel, i realize that now i am sad, i am down, i am lonely, but i am stronger, i am learning how to respect others, i am trying to love people who don't love me like i do. These things are hard to do, but easy to say. Maybe i am weak, but God makes me stronger. Maybe i am bad, but God creates me well. 1 thing that you have to remember. Don't envy me, don't .try to get closer to me, don't see me like a ghost, and don't treat me like an animal. Because i am not your maid, i am not stupid, i am not a girl who could stand in front of you. I know you guys are jealous about me because you didn't get what i got. I know you guys don't have much experience like me, that's why you don't know how to respect others and to treat others well. Someday you will understand and God is working! Watch out. My pray is stronger that your words. When you think you are smarter and wiser and me, i doubt it and i am sure i will win because i have Jesus beside me. Just watch and see! Don't talk too much. No action, talk only. CUPU!

something hidden

i find myself again in a comfort way with someone. maybe it's too early to talk about this because i haven't know him for so long. he is so mysterious guy but i like the way he treats me. so much fun :) i don't know what will happen next, just enjoy this journey and wait for the best result. he is funny, caring, dilligent and religious. okay. stop talking about this. because i just heard from someone that he is having a girlfriend right now :D

i am doing something strategy to pull someone. it's not important but maybe it answers my question even it's only in 1 week process, but i can't handle it. i wonder to interact with him as soon as posible. but as time goes by, if my feeling decreased, it's okay. i would never feel alone because i have my best friends to accompany me. thanks

now it's time to say something, i told you not to fall in love with me. or it would be so many complicated and complex problems to solve. maybe i'm the one who makes problem? T.T
i realized that i'm so indecive. i am stubborn and i can change my mind immediately.

s watch out. yes you can avoid me if you want :) you habe your own rights, remember that?
see you

love is truly blind

everyone has their own rights and it influences how they interact people.
i have my own perspective about you. the way you treat me most, and the way you treat others.
yes it doesn't bring me into your private problems, but i am getting involve indirectly and i just want you to know that you are not mature enough to solve this problems.
you need an expert to give you solutions and to open you mind wider.
try to think if you were me. i don't think i'm right. and i don't think that you are right.
and please don't act like a child. i know that you're beautiful, but i don't care because you're my friend. you don't even know how deep is his feeling and you hurted him. i can understand him because i do feel the same way.
i feel so comfortable with my life right now. that's not the reason if i forgot you.
i have my own reasons to do this. and i personally think that i don't need any apologize from you and i won't say sorry until i really feel guility about this.
you must open you three eyes and realize first before you have your own conclusion of my friends and me.
i don't care about your opinion of me. you can do what you want to do. i won't never understand you because you don't.
i don't care if you shared and spread out a bad gossip about me to your friends. i really don't care because i don't have time to think about it.
and my friends will never hear and change their behavior to me. why? because they have known me for so long, more than you. :)
i'm so busy with my own happiness, assignments, schools, and my personal problems.

just to let you know : i'm sure that you will never know what love is, until you get hurt because of someone that you really love. maybe not now. not then, but you will. after you experience that, you automatically learn how to love, how to keep your relationship longer with happiness, how to laugh and sharing problems, how to make people around you happy, and how to fix broken heart.

someday you will understand.