i will

i will tell you all of these things honestly. i promise. when the time comes, there's nothing i can't hide from you. sorry. one more time sorry. i don't know that this will make you hurt or not. but i do feel guility to you.

some of my art works

i just want to show you some of my art works. i did this while i was in grade 10. haha. actually now i am in grade 11 already. wkwk :) i believe that Bella n Setyo do remember these things. hope you enjoy ^^

and this poster is my last bi poster in grade 10, so i captured it :)

what do you think? ^^

big WHYs

WHY there are so manyyy people pray and hope the best for me?
WHY are they supporting me and trusting me?
WHY are they hoping me to be with them again?
WHY are they accompanying me study until i die?
WHY are they never stop care about me?
WHY do i have to feel this way?
WHY do i have to do this alone?
WHY do i have person like them?
WHY so manyyyy people out there want me to trust that i will come back together with them again?
WHY no one leaves me alone and ignores me?
WHY situations are different to compared?
WHY can't i answer all of these questions?

a note to God

Dear God, what else i can say to you?
You've done many things in my life.
such the greatest thing You've given me all the time.
please give me one more chance to fix this.
I just want to live my life normally and happily.
God, You are the one who knows me most.
I believe that U'll give me the best.
U know what do i want to do,
U know what i want to be.
I don't want to force You anymore, God.
I just can say thank you for all.
However, You still take parts n my life, to decide and to make me life in your way.
Praise and honor to You, God
Amen

Thank you :)

i have a friend
h'e's really kind
I have a test for moving school at wednesday n thursday. he's the one who accompany me for 2 days. i like him. i feel totally comfort while i'm with him.
sorry to..
say,but it's forbid to love you.
thank you for waking me up at 4 a.m. to study
thank you for accompanying me study
than you for supporting me
thank you for calling me and your pulsa is zero now because of me.
sorry.
thank you for encouraging me all the time
thank you for making me sure
thank you for coming to school to accompany me although only few minutes
thank you for your kindness
thank you for not sleeping to waking me up for study
thank you for listening to my problem which is very many
thank you for making me comfort beside you
thank you for all u've done to me
i really appreciate it.

dedicated to, you :)

michael jackson dies

Jackson's Body Arrives at the Coroner's Office
michael jackson is the king of pop. he dies at Thursday, june 25, 2009 in Los Angeles. he is 50 years old. he is an incredibly famous pop singer and a song writer. some say he dies because of heart attack, some say because of a broken kidney. so manyyy people say this, say that without knowing the truth. hmm this is the biggest sad news to the world.
We lost our talented idol and athough he died already, his song will always be our memories, and won't never die. All world sad and wish the rest in peace of MJ! He is now immortal like Elvis n Marylin M :(

6 years are short

6 years are so short for me which full of happiness and pain.
i don't want to continue this feeling.
i promise to myself and my heart.
i really have to open my heart for another boy.
i have to open my three eyes that life is cycling now.
i want to open my heart for someone, but..
i doubt it.
i don't know why.

dalam 6 tahun ini sangat membahagiakan dan menyakitkan.
semua bercampur menjadi 1, tetapi justu kebahagiaan memenangkan dari sakit itu sendiri.
sehingga itulah yang membuatku bertahan dalam situasi apapun.
tolong pergi dari otakku, tolong keluar dari hatiku, dan jangan muncul di depanku,
kamu masa lalu yang terlalu membahagiakan ku.

i love my self

i let my self know that i am below standart. to speak really friendly i am lot lying or saying bullshit. i am thankful to be my self. Thank's God, U've created me like this, i am so grateful.
i don't want to be more beautiful, i just want to me more useful for others.
i don't want to waste my own money just for buying unimportant stuff, but i want to save it.
i don't want to be lazy anymore, but i want to enjoy my life.
i like the way i am. the way i used to be.
to be more beautiful isn't my goal,
i am not the girl that u want to be, i am not the girl that has anything in her life.
but i will do my self...because i know everything i do is affecting people around me..

i don't go no where

i have a very boring holiday. OMG. this is not what i want actually. when i go to school, i always hope for a long long long holiday, but when it comes, i feel bored and nothing to do, i just stay at home all the time. but this holiday is different, there's someone who fills it with smile haha.
yaaa my friends go to bogor for cas. at least they don't do nothing there.
i was in surabaya, i was visited my mom's uncle who is sick now. that's true and i'm not lie.
that's why i didn't go to bogor for that reason. but only few people know :)

until now, i don't believe that someone expresses their feeling to me just in a 10 days. when i woke up this morning, i still realized that it was a long dream, but then i saw my inbox that i didn't delete his sms yet, so from there i could see the evidence of last night. i feel sorry for my self for not being perfect.i don't know that he did to me for sure. i need trust.

for bella

bel sorry. at first i wanted to posted the letter on a paper, but i've changed my mind. so i just post it here so that everyone will know :) there's no secret between us rite? and public for sure in here. hihi.
i would like to say thank you especially for you and setyo for having me together with you all day. hmm it's been a great thing to know you from the first yeat until the last.
honestly i don't remember how did the first time we met, and how did i say hi to you and let you to have a conversation between us and others.
my first impression to saw you were so damn quiet, no talk at all, so shy, so nervous and pesimistic :) but as time goes by u are becoming so crowd, can't stop talking, my friend who always give me suggestions, and all the positive things.
i am proud to have a friend like you.
i won't forget the moment we spent together at mangga 2, library, aquarium, health centre, and the practiced for gs day!
thank you for keep reading my blog, thank you for helping me, thank you for the chance to be friends with you.
let's not say goodbye! let's say until we meet again.
well u said in you letter that your last retret was so different. i don't know how different it was comared to 2 years ago or several years ago. i have no idea to imagine.
i only once did retret in sph and that was my first retret anyway u know. haha
i color it purple because i know that u love purple mpre that u love me. hahaha :)

6 basic questions

why
what
where
when
how
who

i like you
who? you. why? i don't know. when? it's been 6 years unil now. how? by all the way you are. what? love. is it? YES !
WHO? you!

my wish

my wish :
hope that you will always be happy in your life with or without your girlfriend.
I really need your BIG smile and laugh. that's my vitamin.

just a nobody

i am nothing
i am stupid
i am short
i am ugly
i am unhappy
i am immature
i am not special
i am bad
i am poor
i am not normal
i am idiot
i am such a fool
i am fat

but
i adore you
i can't forget you
i still remember you
i see you
i watch you
i am taking care of you
i love you sincerely
i want to be with you
i like u the way you are,

but sorry,
my time is limited
6 years is enough to love you
i can't wait for you anymore
i have to open my hear for someone else
i have to forget you
i don't want to hurt myself by you
i have to leave you
i'll be your best friend to hear your problem and help you

last,
thank you for coloring my 6 years
thank you, u've made me cry a lot
thank you for hurting me
thank you for making me survive
thank you for making me know what love is
thank you for your attention to me
thank you for your opportunity to be my best friend
thank you for all you've done to me

unknown feeling

i have a new friend. i had started to sms him actually just fot fun at the first time. but i don't know why, as time goes by, i feel happy and my days are more colorful. hmm he is nice and, but he loves another girl, and so do i. we love someone who already been taken by someone else.
yesterday i saw E was sitting while he was waiting for his girlfriend.
it's been a long time not to see him directlty. neither happy or sad.

watching you holding hand with someone else is the happiest thing in my life.
it's such a big bullshit to say, and to FEEL.
it's harder than mathematic, physic, and chemistry.
it used heart to feel, eyes to cry, ears to hear from his mouth that he loves her a lot, mouth to lie my feeling, and my body is getting weaker.

i guess i can be stronger. although it's difficult to feel this way,
if God wants me to move school, i will see him again everyday, with full of pain on my heart, tears on my eyes, and a very big smile on his lips when he with her.
i know she is perfect! she's more diliigent, and she's the one that you've choosen.
i really appreciate you decision to be with her.
if i only can get one chance to be yours? i think it's the happiest thing in my life. because u are the most wanted in my life.
you are my idol star. you are the star that shining at night. only you can make me smile sincerely.

i want her to take care of him, to love him like i do, to not let him go, not to hurt him.

if someday i know that she hurts him, i will not apology her all my life!

i know she's 1000x more beautiful than me

i knoe she's the most perfect girl in your eyes

i know that she 10000x more precious in your life than me,

FOR YOU INFORMATION

her sacrifices is not even bigger than me,

her love is not as sincere as me

her faith can't be guarantee

these photos feel lonely - auto photography by me ^^

plagiat

gw ga tau gw kesel sama siapa. tapi gw seneng punya temen baru.
gw benci org yg ga mandiri n kerjaannya cuma bergantung aja. tapi gw suka dibutuhin.
gw ga suka di cuekin, thanks buat yg nghargain gw
plagiat lo!
sorry gw ngomong kasar. tapi ngaca dulu dong. otak tuh di kasi 2, buat mikir, buak buat nyonto. pergunaain otak lu selagi masi ada. jgn bisanya jiplak aja. gw bodo amet mwu org ngomong apa.
bingung jg c. ap emang ada org yg di lahirin bukan utk mikir n bisanya 'make' punya org n pikiran org? duh! sorry to say, ga kratif deh lu~

ntar mlm gw mwu telp sherly ah. ud lama ga telp". hehe. terus sabtu kalo ga minggu, gita mw ngajakin gw n misyel k gading. hihi. can't wait.
adu gw blm dapet dress prom nh. mana spasi antara idung n mulut gw lagi luka lg. terus kak Astari blng gw jadi yg nungguin ketring prom bareng bella. mw bantu sih. hihi
tapi aduuu ada something nh yg bikin gw mls. bukan mls bntuinnya, tp mls dateng k prom :(

gw bt banget sekarang. gw bosen liat org yg itu" aja. gw ga twu harus ngapain sekarang

knapa blog saya menjadi seperti twitter?

twitter saya di hack orang. ga ada salahnya kan saya jadi tulis disini.
lebih mendingan mana? hidup tanpa cinta dengan kekosongan atau patah hati? saya memilih patah hati!

terima kasih

untuk yang mendukung saya. ketik sms reg (spasi) irene kirim ke 7276x. telpon aku, 7276kali

untitled

saya tidak belajar untuk munafik, tapi saya menjadi munafik dengan sendirinya karenanya.

akhir yang indah

akhirnya mereka sudah balikan lagi pada tanggal 7 juni jam 10 malam :) selamat ya. saya bahagia mendengarnya. Hari ini ada seorang teman saya yang berulang tahun. saya sms dy jam 12 malam tepat. tapi saya tidak menerima balasan apa-apa darinya. dan saya tak bisa melakukan apa-apa.
ya! beginilah saya! saya.. sudahlah :) sudah lewat.

para pria para pria

kemarin tanggal 5 juni 2009. ada seorang baik yang saya kenal dengan baik juga (tentunya lah ya) bercerita dengan tiba-tiba dengan saya mengenai hal yang sedang menimpanya. dia adalah sahabat saya, orang yang sudah dari kelas 7 smp berteman dekat dengan saya. dan dia adalah pria (Aduh cowok gitu, knapa saya sebut pria ya? huff. ga penting. mari kita kembali ke topik awal). iya. dia sms kalo dy putus dengan pacarnya yang sudah 18 bulan jadian. mereka adalah sepasang serasi yang selalu nampak bahagia dan selalu bersama kemana pun mereka pergi (itu menurut saya ketika smp). wanitanya setahu saya adalah orang yang baik dan pintar, lalu ia cantik pula. sedangkan prianya, (siapa sih yang ga tau dy?).

ini adalah passionnya :)

ceritanya pria ini yang memutuskan wanitanya sampai ia menangis. ini merupakan sebuah keputusan yang sangat berat baginya. ia masih sangat sayang kepada wanitanya. tapi menurutku ia tak salah, ia cemburu. ia takut kehilangan. ia sudah memberikan banyak kesempatan dan ia mencoba untuk bersabar atas apa yang wanitanya lakukan kepada dia. wanitanya selalu dikerubungi oleh para pria pria lain, dan wanitanya suka bermain dengan pria lain, bukan tentang tugas ataupun ekskul. 2 minggu terakhir ini wanitanya lebih mementingkan teman-temannya jauh, dari pada prianya, sehingga pria ini merasa tersingkirkan. saya tahu bagaimana rasanya. saya tidak bisa membela siapa yang benar siapa yang salah. tadi pria ini bilang pada saya, katanya wanita nya itu sudah mempunyai sifat asli begitu yang dari kelas 9 smp juga memang sudah begitu, hanya saja bedanya, sewaktu kelas 9, wanitanya masih punya banyak waktu dengan dirinya.

saya sedih karena sahabat saya harus mengalami ini. saya cuma ingin yang terbaik untuk sahabat saya. ia tidak boleh menangis dan sedih. ia harus menjadi pria yang ceria dan kocak seperti dulu. ia adalah pria yang tegar dan pintar, ia sudah dewasa dan ia tahu apa yang harus ia lakukan untuk kedepannya.

saya tidak ingin ada seorang pun yang menyakiti dirinya. tidak boleh. karena saya tahu bagaimana rasanya itu disakiti. wanita manapun tak saya izinkan untuk melukainya. lalu pria ini bilang kepadaku bahwa ia akan melihat perkembangannya 1 bulan lagi. jika perasaannya pada wanita itu masih kuat, ia akan coba untuk balikan. tetapi, jika kalian nantinya balikan, dan wanita itu menyakiti pria itu lagi, tolong, jangan. tolong jangan. kamu sebagai wanitanya, bersyukurlah ada pria yang menyayangimu luar dalam. tolong hargai dia seperti dia menghargai kamu.
tolong jaga pria itu, ditunjukkan untuk wanita pilihannya.

cinta buta

sports day

Hari ini 5 Juni 2009 adalah hari yang sangat panjang dan melelahkan. Kenapa? Banyak hal yang terjadi pada hari ini. Sekolah saya mengadakan Sports day dimana semua orang berolah raga, saya bermain volley tetapi hanya diam saja dan berjemur di bawah terik matahari, saya bermain sepak bola, tetapi saya hanya duduk di rumput merasakan pembakaran sinar matahari yang menyengat kulit saya, karena itu benar” panas, tadi saya bermain pada siang bolong ketika matahari tepat berada di atas saya, saya melihat pertandingan renang dan basket, lalu mengejar frisi bersama” group saya. Saya lari keliling sekolah bersama teman-teman tetapi saya lelah sehingga saya berjalan saja. Itulah hari sports day saya

Sesampainya di rumah, saya makan cemilan lalu saya ke rumah Gita untuk meminjam buku ips dan soal-soal ulangan untuk test saya pertengahan june nanti. Baik sekali dia meminjamkan semua. Dari buku cetak tiap pelajaran, buku catatan, foto kopian, soal bimbel, dan soal ulangan umum serta mid. Lengkap sekali. Makasi Gita, semoga saya bias masuk keterima disana sehingga tak perlu bimbang lagi.

Setelah itu saya pergi ke mm jemput adik saya bersama mama saya. Tetapi kami tidak turun, dan saya hanya menitip starbucks saja. Setelah itu kami berenang di sports club kemang pratama. Capek banget. Saya keliling berkali-kali berenang bersama adik saya. Tadi pagi saya sudah makan mie goreng, susu milo, dan sandwhich. Kenapa semua makanan saya menyimpan lemak tersendiri yang membuat perut dan tubuh saya semakin menggembung.

Saya makan di rice bowl sehabis berenang dan pulang, main mafia wars, lalu mengisi blog ini. Saya akan cerita kan sesuatu kepada kalian, tetapi secara terpisah, walau kejadiannya hari ini.

Kim Bum <3<3<3 so cute!

7 days to heaven

wow. asyiknya sebentar lagi menyentuh liburan yang di tunggu-tunggu sepanjang masa. harus belajar nih buat test. harus bisa mati-matian. tapi at least my father uda mwu usaha buat sekolah. amin keterima. doain ya. thank you father. i love you. semoga liburan ini lebih menyenangkan dari liburan sebelumnya.

Saya baru saja memikirkan tentang blog saya ini akan menggunakan bahasa apa menulisnya.

Blog merupakan sahabat saya, maka saya harus menceritakan semua yang terjadi dengan saya, menggunakan semua keinginan saya, agar saya merasa lega dan puas melihatnya.

Lalu saya memutuskan bahwa blog saya munkin akan menjadi blog yang mix, maksudnya yaitu menggunakan dua bahasa sekaligus [i'm a biillingual yeah]. Saya tidak akan menggunakan bahasa inggris jika saya sedang tidak ada mood. Saya akan melakukan apa saja yang saya suka. Jadi jika saya sedang ingin menulis dalam bahasa indonesia, ya tak masalah sama sekali. Lagipula kita harus menghormati bahasa ngegara sendiri kan ga ada salahnya kan. Daripada lupa semua, nanti malah jadi jelek bahasa dan lupa cara penggunaan yang benar. Jangan sampai deh. Amin

Bahkan saya melihat blog artis kita, Sherina, ia menggunakan bahasa Inggris dan Indonesia, itu tergantung maunya dia apa. Saya bisa melihat itu dari blognya sehari-hari. Jadi untuk lebih memudahkan, untuk apa di cari yang susah? Saya juga sebagai orang indonesia menghormati orang lain dari dunia untuk membaca dan mengenal blog saya, tetapi kan ada translate yang bisa di baca juga walau sedikit susah dan amburadul [apa blog saya pernah dibuka oleh orang asing?]

seperinya sulit sekali membayangkannya, memang sih tak menutup kemungkinan. Tapi, yaa siapa tahu saja. Orang indo saja jarang sekali ada yang membaca blog saya. Tapi saya tidak peduli. Mau baca kek, mau nggak kek, mai buka blog saya atau tidak, hal itu sama sekali tidak berpengaruh pada saya sedikit pun. Itu semua terserah Anda semua saja. Ada di tangan Anda. Hehe :D